Star Wars Episode -3: The War of Naboo
by nickcleggenthusiast
Summary: I'm gonna write scripts of the prequels to the Star wars prequels. Hell ye you better believe it suckkers I'm doing it! Updates may take a while because I'm in a mental hospital and have limited access to the internet lel. Anyway, I hope you hate these as much as you hate the prequels, and as much as I hate myself lel.
1. Intro and Jedi Arrival

(title card)

STAR WARS EPISODE -3

THE WAR OF NABOO

THE FIGHT BETWEEN THE GUNGANS AND THE NABOOANS INTENSIFIES. THE LEADER OF THE GUNGANS WISHES FOR MORE ECONOMIC INDEPENDENCE FOR HIS PEOPLE, YET THE NABOOANS WISH TO STRENGTHEN TIES WITH THEM AND SECURE MORE TRADE DEALS.

THE KEY TO THIS SITUATION IS PINTEL, A DELICIOUS DRINK THAT THE NABOOANS LOVE. NABOOAN CULTURE AND CIVILISATION DEPENDS ON A SUPPLY OF THIS PRODUCT FROM THE GUNGANS OTHERWISE THERE WILL BE TOTAL UPRISING AND THE GOVERNMENT WOULD BE OVERTHROWN.

IN ORDER TO SETTLE A DEAL WITH THE GUNGANS, THE NABOOANS HAVE CALLED ON THREE JEDI TO HELP THEM. MASTER YODA, MASTER DOOKU AND HIS PADAWAN QUI GON JIN. THEIR INTERVENTION WILL BE ESSENTIAL TO KEEP NABOOAN CIVILISATION THRIVING.

(words gradually get further away and the planet of Naboo comes into shot, cut to a landing bay in the Palace of Naboo)

GENERAL CONCHITA: Sire, are you sure you do not want to await the Jedi in your throne room? It's awfully chilly and the forecast has announced worse weather to come. Chilly winds from the Eastern seas that could give his Majesty a frightful cold, I would advise that- (he gets cut off by the King Harambe Amidala raising his hand)

KING HARAMBE: The arrival of these Jedi is of most importance to me. I cannot wait idly in a throne whilst they are taken in by any old guard. I wish to greet them myself, that way we can get well acquainted before we discuss the matters at hand.

GENERAL CONCHITA: As you wish Sire. (he takes a step back and bows, but stays still by the kings side to show his loyalty)

The wind blows cold and chilly, for it is early Nabooan springtime, when the sun is out, the snow has melted, but a chilly wind rushes over the land. The guards and General Conchita are visibly shivering, but King Harambe is stoic and doesn't move a muscle. His stare at the pale blue sky is fearless, sorrowful and yet... hopeful. He knows the Jedi can help solve this crisis, yet, that does not mean that one can feel fear in the face of it.

(cut to a gleaming ship coming down from the sky, everyone looks up, Harambe smiles)

KING HARAMBE: Ah… The Jedi…

(the ship lands before the king. cut to a control tower)

FLIGHT TECHNICIAN NO.1: Smooth landing boys, we can all be proud of ourselves.

FLIGHT TECHNICIAN NO.2: Yep, it was especially hard to land that Jedi ship, with the winds coming in from the Eastern seas and all. It's strange, it's as if some mysterious power was guiding them to land safely…

FLIGHT TECHNICIAN NO.3: (he pauses for a moment and the camera zooms in on his face) The Force…

FLIGHT TECHNICIAN NO.2: Cool.

(cut to the Jedi leaving the ship, the three Jedi shock the guards with their elegance and poise, King Harambe approaches Master Yoda)

KING HARAMBE: Greetings Master Yoda! Welcome to Naboo, I hope you had a pleasant flight.

YODA: Yes, a pleasant flight we had. Prawn cocktails they did serve us. The height of luxury it was.

KING HARAMBE: (he turns to the other two) I believe I haven't met you two yet, you must be Master Dooku and his Padawan Qui Gon Jin.

MASTER DOOKU: (nods his head wisely) Yes, and I hope that my Padawan will learn much on this mission.

QUI GON JIN: Yes, I am honored to be here to serve his Majesty King Harambe Amidala of Naboo (he bows)

KING HARAMBE: Alright, alright we can exchange pleasantries later, but now, follow me! (the king turns around and walks down the landing bay towards the entrance to the Palace, all other characters follow him with the Jedi close behind, while he says these next lines) The Pintel situation is crucial now, our stocks are running dangerously low and the Gungans have refused to sell us any more. The price of a litre has gone from 10 Galactic Credits to 50 in but a week! I have never seen inflation so bad during my reign! Can you believe a 5% inflation could even happen in such a small amount of time? (he turns around to Yoda)

YODA: Yes, believe I can. When Jedi you are, unexpected things you must believe.

KING HARAMBE: Come now, let's discuss matters even further inside. I will have the servants serve you beverages and tasty snacks which will accompany our meeting very well.


	2. First Negotiations

(cut to a scene where King Harambe is on his throne and the Jedi, his 4 advisors and General Conchita are all on chairs around him, a servant passes them each a drink and a small bowl of nibbles, meanwhile the characters talk)

KING HARAMBE: Last week we received our last shipment of Pintel. It was a small shipment, but shipments had been gradually getting smaller. In the heyday of our trading partnership we would receive so much Pintel that we'd even had a surplus to sell to other planets. Now we only have enough to supply one fourteenth of our population. Rationing of Pintel has started, and the people are getting angry. They want me overthrown, but looking after my people is what gives me life! I cannot cope anymore on my own, three days ago the Gungans ceased all contact with us. You, my Jedi friends, you are my only hope.

YODA: Desperate this situation is.

MASTER DOOKU: The problem is, we are Jedi, not diplomats. How can we be expected to solve such a problem?

KING HARAMBE: (dramatically) You are Jedi, and I believe that makes you the best diplomats. Since you are not from Naboo, you are neutral in the eyes of the Gungans.

YODA: See let me, convince the Gungans to carry on trading you want us to. Easy that will be, because very good diplomats Jedi are.

MASTER DOOKU: Master Yoda, are you sure this is a mission that we can take on? My Padawan deserves better training than this if he is to become a powerful Jedi.

YODA: Where we disagree that is. Diplomacy is a great way to teach Qui Gon Jin I think.

MASTER DOOKU: (visibly unhappy with this response) Accepted, Master.

KING HARAMBE: So I take it the mission is accepted?

YODA: The mission accepted it is, have anything to say on the matter Qui Gon Jin does?

QUI GON JIN: I will accept the mission, please forgive me Master Dooku but I believe Master Yoda is correct, any type of mission, even a diplomatic one will be important for my training.

MASTER DOOKU: )frowns but keeps his cool, he is not happy with Qui Gon Jin agreeing with Yoda over him) You are forgiven, young Padawan. But I would advise you in the future to take my advice a lot more seriously.

QUI GON JIN: Yes, Master.

(a beeping noise comes from one of the advisor's devices)

ADVISOR NO.1: Sire, may I answer this? It must be important.

KING HARAMBE: Go ahead.

(Advisor No.1 presses a button on his device and a hologram of a woman in similar uniform appears before everyone)

WOMAN FROM THE DEVICE: Emergency, emergency, all Naboo citizens must stay inside until further notice. The wind from the Eastern seas is unpredictably violent this year and could sweep a man clean off his feet. So I repeat, everyone must stay inside!

KING HARAMBE: Shit! How can we send the Jedi out to negotiate a trade deal now? It will be too late by the time the winds from the Eastern seas have died down!

ADVISOR NO.2: Surely we can send them out on a ship?

ADVISOR NO.3: The maintenance of our underwater ships cost a third of our budget! We cannot risk even one of them!

ADVISOR NO.2: Then what do you advise we do?

ADVISOR NO.4: You're an advisor too! Don't just look to us for all the solutions!

ADVISOR NO.2: We're supposed to be working together!

ADVISOR NO.3: Oh that's real rich of you. It's like you can't remember last weekend when you didn't invite Phanka to the bar with us because he "isn't your type of guy".

ADVISOR NO.4 (PHANKA): I'm still not over that!

ADVISOR NO.2: You know what? Fuck you guys, I'm out! (storms out of the room)

GENERAL CONCHITA: (turns to Kind Harambe and whispers) Are you really gonna let him do that?

KING HARAMBE: (shrugs) Eh, one less person to pay. So, back to the matter at hand, are you still up for the mission?

YODA: Brace the storm how can we?

KING HARAMBE: There is a secret underground passage that goes even under the level of the sea bed. You can use that to get to the Gungan kingdom. But beware, there are many, many dangers down there.

COUNT DOOKU: That's quite all right, we are fit to handle any sort of danger.

KING HARAMBE: Good, then we will start right this moment. My advisor Phanka will take you down to the passage and please, please, for the sake of Naboo and her beautiful citizens, please come back with a deal promising bountiful Pintel!

YODA: Your Majesty done that will be.

Phanka: Come this way, Jedi.

(Phanka leads them out of the throne room)

KING HARAMBE: (walks slowly up to the window and staring out at the chaos of the winds from the Eastern seas, a single tear rolls down his cheek and dramatic music plays) Please, please, for the love of all that is dear to Naboo, promise us bountiful Pintel... (he starts full on crying) Bountiful Pintel!


	3. The Gungan Meeting

(cut to the Gungan kingdom where Emperor Danx Wede is having a discussion with his advisors, they're sat in pretty much the same positions as the characters from the scene before. Danx Wede is on his large throne and five advisors are sat in a semi-circle in front of him)

DANX WEDE: How-sa da Gungan Independence on Merchandises Program going?

GUNGAN ADVISOR NO.1: Da Gungan Indepen-

DANX WEDE: Please, call it-sa by it-sa acronym.

GUNGAN ADVISOR NO.1: Da GIMP going as well as expected you-sa Highness, we-sa no longer export goods to da Nabooans and we-sa 100% self-sufficient in da resources required to meet da needs of we-sa people.

DANX WEDE: Very, very good. Tell me-sa, how-sa da level of we-sa GDP doing?

GUNGAN ADVISOR NO.2: Well, as we-sa predicted before we-sa put da GIMP into action, we-sa GDP taken a slight fall due to we-sa lack of income from exports to da Nabooans, but since we-sa got we-sa citizens to work even harder, we-sa GDP stabilised and we-sa hope to see it increase in the near future with da tougher education programme da younglings are going through. Da new generation of highly-educated younglings will make we-sa economy BOOM! (high accentuation on the "BOOM!")

(all the advisors and guards jump when he says the "BOOM!")

GUNGAN ADVISOR NO.3: Oh yes! Dat is our plan! To make economy go BOOM! for you you-sa Highness!

(all the advisors clap and cheer and shout out "BOOM!" randomly)

DANX WEDE: Alright, very good, but let we-sa go back to da subject of we-sa new education programme, me-sa wish to visit one of we-sa schools to make sure dat dis new education programme is fit for we-sa future generation.

GUNGAN ADVISOR NO.2: Of course, you-sa Highness, we-sa go right after dis meeting is over.

DANX WEDE: Well me-sa feel it is coming to an end does anyone have anything else to bring up?

(a door opens and the camera pans to the door for a big reveal of a well loved character, its Boss Nass as a child! the music gets really joyful as he runs into the rooms, smiling wide)

BOSS NASS: Daddy! (he runs over to Danx Wede and jumps on his lap)

DANX WEDE: Bossy, me-sa boy! How you-sa grown, pretty soon you-sa be sitting on dis throne and making all da important decisions dat Daddy makes everyday!

BOSS NASS: Daddy me-sa drew a picture of we-sa family today!

(he shows the picture, there's tiny Boss Nass with Danx Wede on his right and a lady Danx Wede to his left (she looks just like him, the only difference being she's wearing lipstick) the picture is awfully drawn but Danx Wede smiles as he sees it)

DANX WEDE: Dat lovely me-sa boy! Me-sa put it on da palace wall!

(he gives the drawing to a guard who pins it up onto the wall of next to his throne)

GUNGAN ADVISOR NO.1: He-sa beautiful boy, you-sa Highness, he-sa make a great Emperor someday.

DANX WEDE: (admiring his son, he strokes the top of his head) He-sa will, he-sa will.

(dramatic and emotional music plays as the camera zooms in onto child Boss Nass's smiling face)


End file.
